Naming feelings — building an emotional vocabulary

4 min read · Last reviewed Wed Jul 08 2026 00:00:00 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)

"Name it to tame it"

There's good evidence that putting words to an emotional experience helps the brain process and regulate it — sometimes summarised as "name it to tame it." A child (or adult) who can identify "I'm frustrated" has more capacity to manage that feeling than one experiencing only an undifferentiated wave of distress.

This is a skill that develops with practice, modelling, and a rich enough vocabulary of feelings beyond "good," "bad," "fine," and "angry."

Building emotional vocabulary

Model your own feelings out loud, in everyday moments, not just crisis ones: "I'm feeling a bit frustrated that the printer isn't working."
Expand beyond basic words. Distinguish frustrated from angry, nervous from scared, disappointed from sad — nuance helps a child identify their actual experience more precisely.
Use books, shows, and stories to discuss characters' feelings as practice, which is often lower-pressure than discussing the child's own feelings directly.
Visual feelings charts or scales can help children who find verbal identification hard, or who communicate non-verbally — pointing to a face or a number can come before finding the words.

Why timing matters

Trying to teach or discuss feelings vocabulary in the middle of a big emotional moment rarely works — that's a time for co-regulation, not learning. Build the vocabulary during calm moments so it's available (even partially) when it's needed.

For children who find this especially hard

Some children — including many autistic children — experience alexithymia, a reduced ability to identify and describe their own emotional states, distinct from a reluctance to share them. For these children, body sensations (tight chest, fast heartbeat) can be an alternative starting point, since physical sensations are sometimes easier to identify than emotion labels directly.

A simple practice to try

A regular, low-pressure "feelings check-in" (a scale of 1-10, a colour, or a face) at a consistent time of day — not just during difficulties — builds the habit of noticing and naming without the pressure of a crisis moment.

When to talk to your clinician

If a child consistently struggles to identify feelings at all, even calm ones, or this seems linked to broader communication differences, it's worth mentioning alongside any wider developmental assessment.